I remember, when I initially began considering the escort industry. The very first thing I did, was browsing trough the picture galleries of the escort agencies.
I was enchanted- pages and pages of gorgeous women with stunning, flawless faces, perfect slim bodies, delicate lingerie and glamorous surroundings.
I thought - 'Oh Drear, maybe escorting isn't for me after all'. I didn't know how to digest that sudden worry ...I have always believed, I tend to fall somewhere near average. I was not a model with immaculate body and perfect features, I eat carbs and my face is nowhere near resembling Grace Kelly. The type of lingerie I owned, was spelling comfort - not sex-appeal, and the description of my apartment was not exactly - Glamorous.
I have never been a very competitive person, and I've mostly been happy and content with myself. Usually, embarking on a new adventure, is exciting and something I am looking forward to.
Well - not this time.
I was nervous about the implications of meeting random men,mental and physical health risks and social reputation. Imagining all the alternations I need to do to my current life, to accommodate such venture, was overwhelming, and I often had to remind myself of all the financial benefits and time flexibility, in order to keep focused.
However difficult, I could do what depended on me alone.
I could couch myself to be all the things I had to be, but I knew I couldn't teach myself to be a Perfect looking women. I look how I look.
I do take care of my body , by eating healthy and exercising, but that doesn't change my genetics.
I am skilled in applying make up, but that doesn't reshape my facial features.
I will not grow taller and transform into fairy Goddess, if I buy a bunch of sexy lingerie.
And my apartment won't be magically turning into an interior design heaven.
So, I was expecting me to give up on the "escorting idea" already, when the owner of the escort agency I was aiming to work for , assured me I am good enough for the job. She told me, after I see my professional pictures I wouldn't be so worried anymore and no escort is as glamorous in their everyday life as they are on their pictures.
Ok, all this sounds convincing.
I am beginning to understand, that a good picture can be genuinely consequential to my professional life. But I also wouldn't want my desire to look better and mimic a gorgeous, captivating image of perfection, to be completely misleading to the "consumer".
I may not be the most beautiful woman on Earth, and maybe, enhancing my images will attract more attention, but I definitely, wouldn't want to be leading clients on.
I do want to look as the best version of me, of coarse...yet, still Me. I would like to only portray the reality, with a slight touch of "marketing dust", not the other way around.
With all those persisting thoughts of uncertainty and worry, I did schedule my very first professional photo shoot.
I was told to bring few different outfits, wash my hair and have plenty of rest before the shoot, then shopping for sexy lingerie was in order.
It was not as much fun, as I though it would be. Having to choose something that represents my personality, and sensuality, keeping up with trends , while getting dressed and undressed in small change- rooms, battling elaborated strings, clips and slippery stockings, was not my idea of fun time at all.
Having a good night sleep and looking rested before the shoot was swapped for nervous tossing, unsettled bladder and big, puffy eyes. The stress of not being perfect was catching up with me.
Needless to say, I was very apprehensive walking into the shoot. I will be expected to smile and confidently wiggle my half naked ass, in front of a stranger, and that was absolutely terrifying.
I met the make up artist first, she was a lovely, chatty girl and really put me at easy very fast.Shortly after, the photographer came to introduce himself and check my outfits. Everyone was casual and relaxed and I was slowly shaking off my anxiety. Just before the first phase of the shoot , I managed to get together some bravery, and speak to the photographer about my worries. Told him , I don't know if I'm the right material for glamorous pictures, but I would like my final images to be classy and not far fetched from reality.
The shoot was nothing I imagined. I thought, I will be cavorting around under the rhythms of sexy music while the photographer catches the best of me, but Boy, was I wrong?!
After the hour long make up and hair session, I had to, most of the time, stand still in annoyingly uncomfortable positions, look like I am about to have an orgasm while my neck was twisted in pain, listen and carefully follow instruction, be aware of every inch of my body and the angle it is at,
and keep my eyes open regardless of the strong light. Not at all easy or fun.
I suddenly had a whole new appreciation for the modelling industry.
I left the photo-shoot in exhaustion and solicitude.
After about a week of anxious anticipation, I received an email with my final images. Damn!
I looked Fabulous.
No fine lines or blemishes, no stretchmarks and bumpy skin - I was the Me, in my dreams. Looking so good on my pictures, definitely released the pressure of "fitting in" the escort industry, but highly increased the pressure of looking great in real life.
When is after 12:00 (this is when I start work- 12pm) and the Fairy Godmother of good lighting, professional make up, photography and Photoshop is gone, I still want my clients too see "Cinderella at the ball" i.e I really would like to look as glamorous and flawless in person as I am in those pictures.
Of coarse, sometime disappointment is unavoidable.The cause- not so much the difference in how I look in person, but the sense of specific personality inspired by the images, which in real life may not exist.
Many people forget that the images a 2 -dimensional only, and can not portray a character.
Gazing at an image of a beautiful woman with sultry look in her eyes, surely stimulates different emotions and you envision that character behind the picture. But that vision is only in your own mind, and if your mind is not open to possibilities, you most certainly, will be disappointed.
I am, most probably, not suitable for the men in search of perfection,as I am, nowhere near perfect. And, I am, definitely, not suitable for the men, who like to generalise, and have predisposition in thinking,I am a certain type of woman.
Keeping a drop of mystery and the magic of seductive glamour is always on my agenda, but doing my best to bring, the "Cinderella" to reality is my number one priority.
In my images, descriptions and in real life , I am staying quite transparent regarding my personality, character and looks.
My charming personality does not need preparation time, but sometimes,it is hard explaining to clients why I need at least 30min to an hour, to get ready for an appointment. It is not just a caprice on my side. I really like giving my best for every and each client I see, as well as keep the high standard for my regulars.
Shower, hair, make up, sexy lingerie and outfits, suitable music list,candles and aromas, preparation of bathroom necessities, change of massage shits and towels- it is all time consuming and absolutely necessary, especially, without the help of the Fairy Godmother of Picture Perfect !
Happy Fairy-tail-ing and don't forget to smile!