Seems like keeping an open mind and avoiding assumptions when talking to people isn't something we practice much these days. Naturally, we all project our own motives onto others and if our intentions aren't consistent of hidden agendas we tend to think so aren't the intentions of the people in front of us, and visa-versa. Reality been, we are simply losing base when talking to others face to face. It is something we do less and less and our reactions in those situations are becoming slowly, but surely inadequate. I am so lost figuring out the new approach to socialising. I can't find any logic what-so-ever in the fact that modern society thinks it's okay to send intimate messages to people they've met online through a dodgy website, but it's totally atrocious to be friendly with someone at the gym. A smile, friendly eye contact and a meaningless gesture and you are automatically thrown into the flirt zone. When did everyone became so precious to think that receiving a smile makes them an object of affection? Why are people constantly seeking for a masked intent behind every act of kindness or friendliness? When did exchanging a few friendly phrases with a stranger at the bar became a slutty thing to do? And why complimenting someone outside of your gender is considered a sexual advance?
Every time I am approaching new people in London, I feel like a Toreador waving a red flag in front of a bull. They either run away with fear or full on attack , and then I have to run scared. My friendliness is so often mistaken for flirting and I find myself in awkward situations, having to explain how I wasn't really interested in the romantic dinner invitation, but I wouldn't mind having a chat over a couple of glasses of wine, every now and again (and bring along your girlfriend), or how I am not interested in someone's boyfriend, I was just having a meaningless friendly chit-chat with him while they went to powder their nose. When did talking to strange people and especially men became inappropriate ?
So, it happens that I get along with men better than with women. I've always had more male than female friends. Somehow my philosophy in life matches better with the opposite gender's philosophy and I find talking to a man to be easier, safer and much more entertaining. Not that I don't like shoes and bags, I just don't like talking about it. Also when I am out having fun, I rather talk about cars, than tense over comparing the intelligence of other people's kid to my own.
How about just a friendly talk, where I am a person and you are another?
How about not assuming my intentions and simply enjoying a nice exchange about the weather?
How about not taking me for a crazy lesbo or a boyfriend threat , but just as the girl who likes to chat for 5 seconds because it happens she is next to you at the cafe and she is new to the area?
How about when I compliment your running shoes you don't tell me you are married, simply because I don't give a damn if you are, you just have nice running shoes?!
How about after talking as friends for a while and I invite you for a drink after work, you don't buy condoms at the local pharmacy, since drinking and chatting will only involve your mouth, not your penis?
I don't know anymore. Perhaps, it is so rare to be a friendly, nice person, that when you are, you immediately strike people as weird. I find myself to be either the hostile woman with a resting bitch face in the corner of the restaurant or the flirting slut who talks too much and laughs too laud. And trust me, in both cases completely unintentional. I think I need a manual on how to meet people in today's day and age. Anybody with a copy?
I guess, I would just have to give up on the idea that I will ever meet and make new friends in London. Then pack my bags and find me a place where people are still old fashion, greet each other on the streets and go to the local Pub to have a beer and meaningless banter with a stranger....who sometimes happens to become a friend.
Be kind to one another, greet a stranger.....and don't forget to smile!
kindness in uncommon
people project on others their own motives and agendas