It is not a secret that lately my mood has been somewhat rotten, and my natural positivism is giving a way to the unnatural sadness. I've been trying really hard to see the silver lining and focus on all things wonderful, but my attempts aren't as successful as I would like them to be.
My brain isn't producing Serotonin any more, I don't think. The only natural day light I see is on my way to and from gym. It is far too cold and wet for me to walk in the park, and the Sun seems as the same unreal wishfulness, as the Prince on the white horse from the fairy-tails.
This monotony of greyness and quiet stress, that we so proudly call London life, maybe producing some funds for my bills, but creating too many deficiencies in my body and mind.
I haven't felt excitement in such a long time, and can't even remember when last I woke up in a cheerful mood.
This, maybe, the usual lifestyle for many people, but I am having great difficulties being part of such meaningless existence. I do not want to just breath to be miserable and pay bills, and then justify it with the majority of people around me that are feeling exactly the same. I believe, I have been given this life to live it, to feel drive and passion, to smile and be jolly,not to dip in sadness. Life is far too short and precious to be spent in darkness.
Perhaps, shifting my priorities a little and start planning some 'fun in the sun' will be the answer to all my mood issues.
I have so many financial burdens to take care of in 2018, that was thinking I can not afford travelling or anything else for that matter. But what I am realising now - the completely not affordable thing is suffering from bad mood and hints of depression on a daily bases.
I can not price my happiness, it is worth every penny I own, and even much, much more of the ones I don't.
Why is it that we are so quick and sure of spending our hard earn money on possessions or our children, but so reluctant when investing them in ourselves and the beautiful experiences we long for?
The elusive things are the ones that keep us going, and yet, we dedicate our entire existence to what we can only touch. We are constantly defying ourselves with our monetary assets, where all we need to be whole and happy is to grab custody of our feelings.
My logic, good sense and responsibility is saying one thing and my feelings, my desires and needs, another. Which will be the winner is about to be seen.
I know it can be hard to find reasons sometimes ....but, don't forget to smile!