I am not a complainer but I am a woman and most times those come together.
Waking up to this miserable, grey weather that suggest hibernating in bed with a pile of books and warm socks has made it painful for me to even look in the mirror. That sad clown look I have scares me. It looks like gravity has developed a much better habitat under the cold, gloomy skies of winter. My eyes have lost their natural sparkle, my skin has no glow, and my mind is wandering in the parched, naked fields of sadness.
How is it possible that something so uncontrollable, controls me to such extend?
I am part of the amazing humanity. The humanity that have the ability to fly and produce light, move mountains and land machines on other planets, modify plants and animals, and yet, despite all those innovative leaps, l am powerless against that tremendous force of nature. And even more powerless against time. That clock keeps on ticking our years away and makes us so insignificant in the frame of space. All the things we plan to do, all the places we plan to visit, the knowledge we attempt to obtain, the dreams we dream of turning into reality, will we have time for all ? Will we break that monotony called comfort, before the clocks strokes our last breath?
My desire to control it all and my inability to actually do drives me to insanity...or, maybe is just the biological response of my body, trying to brake the chains of the Vitamin D deficiency.
Either way I have to go out of the house and try "smell the roses", before I bleed from their torns.
Even the park looked sad while I had a short walk to clear my mind. Now I am having my Almond latte at a busy coffee shop, observing the people around me and just smiling sadly at our ignorance.
We are all so busy staring at our devices, scrolling through pointless images and information we better don't have, taking selfies and wiping away all our wisdom lines before proudly portraying our fabulous lives and happily perfect faces in front of the world. We obliviously ignore our bodies and fill them with poisonous substances. Don't even for a moment get to think that we are our own destructing force, our own worst enemy. I often dream of escaping that Digitalised Concrete Western Monstrosity. I am even willing to give up my precious Louboutins and Michelin stared restaurants. I want to be away on an island where sun shines most of the year and fisherman still go out to sea to feed their families. Where owning nothing makes you owe less to yourself. Where flipflops and a summer dress is all you need to feel fabulous and the only make up you wear is a smile and a glowing bronze skin. Where the only noise of transport you hear is the squeaking wheel of an old rusting bicycle. Where the only poison you put in your body is the beer you have at the old beach bar.
After rushing some endorphin into my bloodstream, drinking a Green smoothie, having a bright red manicure and a sunbed session, I am feeling a little more like the human I like. So ironic, even being simple in London costs a fortune.
Ah, the fortune...the reason we've wiped off half of the rain-forest and are on the way to extinct Rhinos. The reason stress is ruling our lives and we no longer ask ourselves what is it that makes us happy, because have successfully convinced our minds it is only those colourful papery stuff that can bring us content.
The sad part is that for most of us is not even greed, but just a survival.
I guess today's greyness in my soul prevails.
Talking to Mama...now that's a marvellous, natural remedy for my soul I often take for granted.
Who cares how grey is the sky and how early the darkness swallows the day, I have that wonderful human who loves me unconditionally, who gave me the miracle of life and keeps on doing her magic with every word she says. Loves conquers all.
True blessings - we just need to stop looking so hard, they are all around us. All it takes is opening our hearts and closing our fears.
Call you mum....and make her smile!