Troubadours of Emptiness

November 6, 2017

 

I came across an article, that made me feel pity for the lacking grasp on reality and poor life, and self evaluation of it's writer. And pity is something I don't like feeling or receiving.

Then later, my pity grew into expression of slight annoyance, as I really have great difficulties, tolerating blamers. I understand that when something is really bothering us about others it is because it reminds us of our personal flaws. In this case-  my issues with blame. I have always been overly self-judgemental and have the tendency of blaming other people's mistakes on myself or equally blame my influences on their decisions. Leaving with a "serial blamer" for years, who had the complete inability for self-examination and my zero reluctance of excepting it, led to a lot of personal issues that took years to get resolved and healed. However healed, when I stumble upon a Blamer, I feel the need to point out that blaming is actually a form of control, the blame is a defence mechanism that protects the blamer from their own insecurities and psychological instabilities. The blamer is simply an egotist.

The article is about a woman, who worked in the sex industry for 8 years. She explains how she had no identity and achieved zero emotional and self growth over that period -  'After several years, the delusion dissipated, and I woke up burned out and exhausted, disillusioned and bitter, and lonely and horribly depressed.' , then later, after leaving the industry, she became complete and self assured - 'I was literally enslaved by the work, but today I am free to live life on my own terms.'  , 'walking away from the field was the truly empowering move that finally began to help me realize all of the things about myself, my gender, and my place in this society' , 'Today, I am free to exist and explore and evolve emotionally, mentally, and physically without the limitations of gender roles, sexual stereotypes, and the system’s power dynamics.'

 

On the surface, this article seems like an inspiring transition, a successful story of a woman who has escaped the "terrible underworld of escorting" and turned herself into a strong independent individual. However, the noticeable contradiction in everything she is saying, the perpetual blaming, and the fact that I know a thing or two about the industry she so vividly portrays as 'relentless game of pandering to male narcissism' , made me want to express my view on her persona and that article. 

Almost everyone who enters this industry willingly, admits that money were the core urge. Lack of it, desperate need of it or greed for more - specific reasoning varies, but that fact prevails. 

Money is power but what every person should remember is that self power can not be bought.

This business, non like any other, involves much intimate relations and feelings and we all know it is hard, if not impossible, to put a price tag on those. 

Many young women with budding characters and values enter this profession with the notion of careless life but little did they know, there is no such thing as "easy money".  They soon start resenting their choices and lose site of who they are ( if they really knew it at the first place). They become depressed and felt devoured and used. To ease the pain of such immense emotional pressure the weak person is immediately resorting to blame. And who else the escorts get to blame for their hardships, but men?

Those same men who they've gladly took money from in return of what they are willingly offering, but so resentfully giving. Those same men who's compliments and attention they are soaking up greedily but assume the return of such is not part of the deal. Those men who they guilt for their emotional degradation but who's feelings they reject and neglect every day. 

The woman behind that article is just one of those women. She starts with tails of her discovering the industry and enjoying it at first - 'Escorting is where the real money is. And I was all about the Benjamins. I was blinded by the dollar signs, high on the dissociation, and determined to finalize my decision.Within a week, I was an escort. It was far easier than I had even anticipated. I started off naively and on some unseemly websites, but soon I found the real forums on which to forge such a business and within a short period of time, my daily Benjamins were becoming Clevelands, and I did not have enough hours in the day to meet the demand. I was soon one of the top escorts on the site and men were booking weeks in advance to see me. I was getting glowing reviews daily and my business was booming. I was single and actualizing my own sexuality while empowering myself as a woman, a business entity, and a feminist. I was doing it all. Or so I thought.'

And her story seems real and heartfelt, but penetrate the surface deeper and a whole new character emerges. Learning from our mistakes is what forces our growth and individual strength. And most of the