I have always found swinging a slightly gross idea, but my prejudice is only based on the idea of what actually swinging is.
I only assume what everyone that hasn't swung themselves assumes - that swinging is 2-4-6-8 married/coupled, consenting adults having crazy sex , while swapping each other's partners. In principle nothing wrong with that,but I have always wondered about the technicalities involved.In other words, swinging is like having multiple affairs, and I find that difficult to comprehend. How can swinging with no damage be possible, with all the complications and feelings associated with having sex with other people?
But since there are over 10 million people who swing in the world, and the number of Swing clubs is growing every day, apparently is perfectly fine to pop around with you partner, after dinner for a bit of a shag with random people.
As everything else that is viewed as unconventional, swinging brought up my natural curiosity, and I wanted to find out "the insides".
For a long time I didn't see that possible, as I was not interested in swinging myself and I am also very happily single. Until one day, I was presented with the opportunity to visit a swing club with a regular client of mine.
We were talking one evening over dinner, and somehow swinging came up. I have expressed to him my curiosity, and since, he has always wondered about it himself, he proposed we visit a swing club and find out what is swinging really about.
Fabulous! I will finally be able to see behind the doors of assumption.
We found a club online.It was members only club, so we had to register as a couple, and even send pictures of us together. After the initial approval process, we were invited to our first party.
We were assured, from the club's manager, that we don't have to do anything we aren't comfortable with, and can think about it as a normal night out.
I was nervous about what awaits us, but still quite excited to have a glimpse at the real swinger's life.
I was advised to "dress-to-impress", but instead, I wore a black top and jeans, as I did not want to attract too much attention. After all, I looked at this adventure as an investigation into the secret life of (some) married people, not an opportunity to swing.
Before we headed to the club, we had dinner, and I was a little generous with the white wine consumption. Perhaps it was the nerves and fear of unknown, that pushed me into that generosity, but since I am not really a drinker..."Tipsy" came like a car from "The fast and the furious".
So, all the more excited, with the help of old friend "Chardonnay" , I began my quest to discovering the secrets of the swingers.
On our entrance to the club, we were greeted by a big intimidating security guy and shown to the reception, where we had to present out ID's in order to be allowed to the party.
Everything was very professional, there was non of the glamorous kitsch interiors or "funny" looks, I imagined in my head.
We handed our coats to the charming "Wardrobe" lady, who suggested we are a bit early, then were escorted to the bar area. Very smooth indeed.
Inside - a lovely bar atmosphere, people were standing/sitting around , chatting and drinking. There was nothing abnormal going on.
We had our drinks and were giggling about random stuff as usual, when we were approached by a tiny "Sheldon" looking gentleman (Sheldon from the "Big Bang Theory" I am referring to). He introduced himself as one the very few single male patrons, and told us he will be showing us around the premises, together with another "Beginners" couple.
The part of the club he begun showing us, was completely empty, apparently was used only later in the evening when everyone has already "warmed-up". We were walking through small, red lighted corridors leading into rooms and rooms of "pleasure". There were big rooms, with sofas and multiple beds. There were smaller rooms with chars around one bed. There were completely dark rooms, rooms with one bed, dungeons with BDSM equipment......it was completely overwhelming.
We were even shown looker rooms, where apparently we could change our clothes...what?... I didn't quite get this one( at this point)
After we were done with the tour, we were given little welcoming prezzies, and told we can return later to this "pleasure heaven" and "indulge" or simply look ,if that's what we are comfortable with.
I think, by that point, the magical powered grape juice was making me quite chatty, and I was just jabbering away with everyone. Even had a little sexy dance with one of the girls.
However, I was reluctant in engaging in "swing" conversations, and was rather keeping general topics up...as much as I could, considering my giddy mind. Most probably all couples were pretty experienced, and knew how to spot a "fake", because after a little chat with us they all excused themselves politely one by one. All couples we spoke to were really lovely people and everything felt completely casual and normal. I was beginning to doubt, that perhaps my gross overlook on swinging was a bit of strong conviction.
Suddenly (around after midnight) we started noticing some of the girls have changed into somewhat ,dramatically sexy outfits, or for easier reference "They looked like... hookers" . Excuse my bluntness, but I am an escort, and I do not own such "skimpy" outfits.
Shortly after he bar area started emptying and we realised, its "Action" time. We slowly made our way to the sexy part of the club, and I was more than impatient to satisfy my thirst for "inside-swing-knowledge".
Well... let me tell you, though I knew very well where I am, and more or less what to expect,plus I consider myself very open-minded, and after all I am part of the "adult-industry" ...., that swing scene brought me symptoms, best described as a mild electrical shock.
There were just naked bodies having sex or touching each other everywhere.
There were few other couples still dressed and just watching, like me and my client. But WOW...I felt like I have been teleport-ed to a mass orgy in a porn movie. Not only that swinging did not appeal to me, but in fact turned me off completely. No judgement, but even for a "professional" that is extreme.
We left shortly after and both agreed, we are never to return again.
I don't like generalising, nether do I judge people. We live in a free world we we should learn how to free ourselves of preconceived ideas. But, everything comes down to personal choice and understanding. I do appreciate the sexual liberation swinging provides for woman, and have a good grasp on the benefits of open sexual communication,exploring variety of sexual partners in a safe environment, and enhancing the sexual relationship between partners.
But swinging is not for me, and especially if I am to be in a committed relationship.
Being watched by however many people want, while having sex with many others, simply doesn't sit well with me.
I happen to be "old fashioned" with a strong sense of belonging. For me personally, sharing or be shared in a sexual way, involves only two people.
When in a loving relationship, sex becomes more than just a physical urge and merging two bodies, it is intimate and special, emotional and spiritual. How can you share this with random people?
And even if sharing that intimacy with more than your partner makes you feel good, aren't you at least a little scared of consequences, like falling in love with another person outside your relationship?Chemistry is unpredictable and can occur everywhere.
Isn't it you marry or get into a relationship, because you've found the one, and feel there is time to stop the search?
Turns out, I am not as open-minded as I thought.
Am I afraid of something or is it simply a personal perspective based on values ? Well, that's a whole other discussion on its own.
Choose your own playground and don't forget to smile!