The Unreachable Sanctuary

September 26, 2017

We all have the urging need to achieve success, approval and acceptance.

But we are often faced with the reality that, sometimes, others reject us, or our dreams of accomplishment, don’t always come through.

No matter what we have, no matter who loves us, or how beautiful and abundant our present life is, we are always craving what we can't have. The chase of that craving, becomes like a fantasy game,where drama and challenge, serves us as fuel.


What is it, that drives us on that crazy quest to the unreachable?


Do we feel the absence of passion in ourselves, and the chase makes it feel more palpable?

Passion is that intense emotion and compelling enthusiasm or desire for something, that many of us keep on searching for, but never sure what it really is


Is it the rush and anticipation of walking the fine line between safety and danger, that excites us?

Presumably every risk comes with a reward.The more outrageous the risk, the better the reward


Are we simply bored and want to bring a little spice into our life?

We feel trapped in a life of routines, sameness and monotony and often search for excitement in our internal world


Does chasing after a seemingly unattainable goal, seems like a good entertainment ?

Entertainment holds our attention and interest and gives  us pleasure and delight.


Is it the invigorating feeling of pursuit, triggering our natural curiosity and competitiveness ?

We just like to know the answers to things, even if there's no obvious benefit and competition is an evolutionary conserved trait. This is how we evolve- trough curiosity and competition.


Is it the unavailability of something or someone, that makes us see it/them , as more valuable?

"high in demand and low in supply" is the forever popular


Perhaps, it is happiness, what we are chasing?

Seeing the happiness we lack, in the things we can't have


But our happiness is closely related to our confidence and self-image  - does that mean, we lack self-worth?

Our self-worth is how we value ourselves. We discover our values in comparison to society and then, we make our own definition of success. And since society places excessive importance on the outwards values of success and achievement,often our own values of success are quite shallow

That shalowness triggers our inner need to compare ourselves to other's victories. 

Anytime we fall short of what is expected of us to be victorious, we feel as failure


Is it the actual fear of failure that makes us addicted to the chase?

We all want to feel important,influential and special and we can't wrap our mind around the failure of not having what we want. Feeling powerless, obviously is a huge blow to our ego.


Do we, therefore, see something we can't have as a personal failure?

Personal failure leads to guilt.

We know guilt is a pro-social emotion. Emotion without exact logic.

We have been conditioned (learned) to feel guilty. Family, friends, society, religion... consciously or subconsciously thought us to feel GUILT for thinking or acting in a certain way.. This guilt often prevents us from enjoying our life and thriving emotionally.

Believing that the world is a fair place, and if we suffer, we must deserve it, or at least endure it.

According to Guy Winch - licensed psychologist, keynote speaker and author of many psychology books - We experience 5 hours of guilty feelings every week. 

And because guilt is painful, we often find ways to soothe our feelings, free our conscience, and allow ourselves to reengage in life.

One way to do that- is to punish ourselves by chasing after something or someone we can't have.


The more I investigate the driving force behind  'wanting and chasing what we can't have', the more it looks to me, like a pursuit of Self-inflicted pain. 

Desperate to fill the emptiness in our souls, under the disguise of wanting something unattainable, we actually practice self-punishment. .

The human mind is an extremely powerful device, but many of us aren’t  even aware of how much the mind is truly capable of.

Science shows us that our minds create and maintain problems, to give us a sense of identity. This, in a way, explains why we so often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.


Perhaps training our minds to let go of preconceived ideas and guilt is more important than casing after what seems impossible. Re-define success and what makes things valuable.Re-enforce our inner strength and be happy with the present moment  and everything it holds. 

Learn how to "smooth sail" trough our mind, and move on with a smile from the seemingly unreachable sanctuary of what we can't have. The only sanctuary that will ever give us peace. is our own mind.



“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” ~Ajahn Chah



Happy "Sailing" and don't forget to smile!



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